I apologize for the delay in my answer. I got side tracked on other projects. Your logic board is fried, why I don't know. Here is my suggestion for repair:
This only works if there is no liquid or physical damage. Call 1-800-SOS-APPL. When you call mumble inaudible sounds, that way the system doesn't know where to send you and gets a person outside the normal Apple repair department. Explain to them the laptops lack of response, the various things you have tried, including removing the RAM and no beeps with the attempted power up and you want the $280 flat rate repair ( I would not volunteer the coffee.). If they start talking about tiers etc... argue with them that flat rate repairs have no tiers. If they stick to their guns tell them you believe the $280 flat rate repair is through Depot. You want the flat rate repair from Depot. Depot is an Apple sister/daughter company that refurbishes Apple products for Apple. All the refurbished Apple computers/laptops sold at the Apple store are reconditioned by Depot. Stick to your guns. If your computer has no physical or liquid damage, Apple will repair it in the price range I have mentioned. If you take it to the Apple store they will give the same garb about tiers etc... Tell them you want the Depot flat rate repair. But again, make sure there's no liquid damage, or it will come right back to you unrepaired.