Well, what the heck is going on? This thing is burning me.

Sounds like to me that your battery needs replacing or there is a short in the circuit somewhere oh if you live in a hot area keep the tablet in a cool place lithium Ion batteries do not like heat and it also sounds like that your tablet doesn't have a failsafe or anything so I would start with that first and see if that solves your problem. If all else fails I don't want to say it but you may have to replace your tablet or take it to a professional repair place. All I can say is be careful.