I wanted to follow up, in case anyone else was having this issue in the future. The F-clamps did help to get the screws out. (Being careful to support body of laptop/touchpad so as not to make dents or cause damage, I used small metal rulers and padding between the rulers and the metal body/touchpad.) Placing a clamp on either side of a screw, it helped to even out the pressure so they could finally be removed.
There was no way to simply pull out the battery w/pliers as suggested, as front screw-tabs (metal, part of the laptop frame) were holding the swollen battery in place. Even once fully open, it took several minutes of gently but firmly wiggling the battery to work it out from under these tabs.
Once the battery was out, the trackpad took some manipulation to pop back into place after being displaced by the swollen battery, but once reassembled everything worked perfectly (well done, Apple!). Cost to repair was under $40 (replacement battery + clamps), so, overall, this was a huge success, as far as my friend was concerned, and the little MacBook lives on.
(Battery was taken to hazardous disposal site.)
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